#080 – The King of Illiterature (Reupload)

This isn’t really a post on mental health. It’s a post on my stupidity. I struggle with stuff I paid no attention to in school. I was to busy chasing girls, smoking weed and hanging out with mates. I did the bare minimum to get through each year. For me being popular and the classContinue reading “#080 – The King of Illiterature (Reupload)”

#079 – The Day in the Life of a Schizophrenic

Depending on how late I was up the night before I usually wake in the late morning. My medications make it hard for me to rise and I heavily rely on caffeine so I drink a lot of coffee and energy drinks. This is a big vice for me but I need it. I takeContinue reading “#079 – The Day in the Life of a Schizophrenic”

#078 – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS)

So I thought I’d post an update as I’m now a month out of hospital and I have a little bit going on. As I write this blog it looks like I’ll be going through TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) treatment. This is causing me some headaches as I’ve been making calls to my health insuranceContinue reading “#078 – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS)”

#077 – Look On The Bright Side Suicide

This is a touchy subject. I have been lucky enough to not have had anyone too close to me commit the deed. I’ve known of people who have done this but only acquaintances. I had a room mate who I was reasonable attached to who went through with it but no family or friends. IContinue reading “#077 – Look On The Bright Side Suicide”

#075 – Discharged!!!

I was finally discharged from hospital yesterday. My time was up. I’d had enough. I saw Gem (psychiatrist) before I left to get my scripts and to catch up before I left for home. As it stands I am taking Clozapine, Lexapro, Invega Trinza, Somac, Atenalol and Nitrazepam. I had to fight for the NitrazepamContinue reading “#075 – Discharged!!!”

#074 – The Paranormal

I’ve been fascinated with the paranormal since I was a kid. There was a television program called “The Extraordinary” that was on one night of the week. I would tape the shows and watch them over and over. You have to remember there was no internet back in those days. The only way for meContinue reading “#074 – The Paranormal”

#073 – THC and Paranoia

Before you read on please note that I don’t smoke pot anymore and I have zero desire to take it up again.  Cannabis is the most commonly used illicit drug in Australia, with one in three adults using it at some point in their life. It’s legal in some places around the world, and offered medicinally inContinue reading “#073 – THC and Paranoia”

#071 – I Could Have It Worse

As bad off as I am and I don’t like making comparisons but there are some people doing it a lot harder than myself. The psychiatric ward is a good reminder of this. Over the years I have met so many people with different illnesses at different levels of severity. Most have mental health issuesContinue reading “#071 – I Could Have It Worse”

#070 – MDMA as Therapy

Usually when we think of MDMA, Molly’s, Ecstasy, or Methamphetamine in the context of toxicology, we think of poisoning and overdose.  This blog is about the opposite, the treatment of depression and anxiety with very low doses of these methamphetamine-derived substances. And the results have been surprising good.The federal government has announced it will pourContinue reading “#070 – MDMA as Therapy”

#069 – The Stigma of Schizophrenia

Have you ever been feeling sad, and someone tells you to get over it? Have you ever been anxious, and someone tells you to just stop worrying? Have you ever been labelled depressed, bipolar, psycho? Have you ever been told your emotions were a phase? That if you tried harder, it would improve? It isContinue reading “#069 – The Stigma of Schizophrenia”

#068 – Hypochondria

I’m such a hypochondriac. As I’ve gotten older it has become worse. As a kid I would like getting unwell because it meant the day off school. These days I worry about every ache and pain. From head to toe I get overwhelmed with the sensation that I’m dying. I’m almost convinced of this. I’llContinue reading “#068 – Hypochondria”

#067 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 18

Enough is enough! I haven’t spoken to Gem (psychiatrist) but I have told the nurses I want to be discharged in a few days. I have gained all I can which hasn’t been much. I’ve had some slight medication changes and some timeout from the outside world but it’s now time to go home andContinue reading “#067 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 18”

#066 – Insomnia and Sleeping Medication

My sleeping patterns have always been all over the place. Even as a kid I’d love to stay up as late as I could. My insomnia is similar to my drinking – It’s off and on. I never go two nights without sleep but I regularly stay up all night and the following day. IContinue reading “#066 – Insomnia and Sleeping Medication”

#065 – Alcoholics Anonymous

I’m not a fan! I haven’t been to AA in years and when I was attending it was because I was in rehab and were were all urged to go to meetings (Blog #007)It never helped me in any way what so ever. I would never participate I would just site there and listen toContinue reading “#065 – Alcoholics Anonymous”

#064 – Effexor (Venlafaxine) Withdrawals

Effexor, also known as venlafaxine, is a prescription drug used to treat major depression and anxiety disorders. A selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, the drug helps balance the chemicals in the human brain that cause depression. Because of the drug’s profound impact on the brain’s chemistry, stopping the medication can lead to Effexor withdrawal,Continue reading “#064 – Effexor (Venlafaxine) Withdrawals”

#063 – Golconda Avenue

I met Sarah in rehab (Blog #099) in 2013. We formed a relationship and once we finished the rehab program we moving into a rental on Golconda Avenue in Frankston. It wasn’t long before I called things off and soon after Sarah moved out. My brother moved in and that didn’t work well at all.Continue reading “#063 – Golconda Avenue”

#062 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 17

I’m losing patience with some of my fellow residents. Spending  so much time around other nuts can become exhausting I get along with a few people very well. I’ve been socialising with some of the rehab patients too.  There’s on lady who drives me crazy. She has schizophrenia too but she insists on bothering theContinue reading “#062 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 17”

#060 – Antipsychotics And Weight Gain

I was always thin in my youth and twenties. I was fit too. I weighed myself the other day and I’m now over the hundred kilo mark. Most of this is my stomach. I wish it was more evenly distributed to my arms and legs but it’s just my gut. Some of this could beContinue reading “#060 – Antipsychotics And Weight Gain”

#059 – The Seaford Program

About ten years ago I found accommodation in a mental health program that supported people with mental illness issues. Now that I look back at my time there I cringe. It was like being at school again. I was put into a unit with a guy called Matt. He was a nice but complicated chap.Continue reading “#059 – The Seaford Program”

#058 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 16

I wonder if I’ll ever get better? I look back over the last 15 years and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress over this time. I’ve tried every medication under the sun, spent hours talking to psychiatrists and been hospitalised so many times I’ve lost count… and for what!? If anything has improvedContinue reading “#058 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 16”

#057 – Alcohol – Part 3

This is a continuation of (Blog #050) This entry will cover where I’m at currently. My last stint without drinking was several months ago. I went a couple of months without a drink with the help of Antabuse (Blog #019) This is the medication that prevents you from drinking. The simple question to ask isContinue reading “#057 – Alcohol – Part 3”

#056 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 15

They forgot my med’s! I fell asleep and the nurses somehow managed to get sidetracked and I didn’t get my Clozapine dose. It’s not as if the nurses are ran off their feet and their main job is to give out medication. It’s not hard. I thought Gem (psychiatrist) would be pissed off as heContinue reading “#056 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 15”

#055 – Schizophrenia or Religious Belief?

For many people religion is one way that we understand the world and give meaning to our lives and certainly religion and spirituality play an important part in many people’s experiences of schizophrenia. For some sufferers religious delusions or intense religiously-based irrational thinking may be a component of their symptoms, for instance they may believeContinue reading “#055 – Schizophrenia or Religious Belief?”

#054 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 14

Two weeks! How time flies. I think this admission is coming to a close. Gem (psychiatrist) is still playing with my med’s (story of my life). He has increased the antidepressant Lexapro which will take weeks to kick in. As always, my Clozapine has been slightly increased. I am still taking Nitezepam but I’ll be ceasingContinue reading “#054 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 14”

#053 – My Tinfoil Hat

I’m a conspiracy theorist through and through. I know this is sometimes a symptom of schizophrenia but I tend to only believe in conspiracies that are provable. I’m not one of these these people who believes the earth is flat which is a theory that is gaining popularity and I’m not sure if the worldContinue reading “#053 – My Tinfoil Hat”

#051 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 13

I’m disappointed. I finally come across a medication that works well with me and my shrink tells me he is only going to prescribe them to me while I’m an inpatient at the hospital. The medication is Mogadone (Nitezepam) and it is a benzodiazepine (Blog #014) which means it’s addictive. Gem (psychiatrist) knows my history with abusingContinue reading “#051 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 13”

#050 – Alcohol – Part 2

This is a continuation of Blog #045 which should be read first. I left off with my drinking at work. I got away with this for a long time. I was manager of a department at Coles. This came with some responsibilities including being in charge of around 15 staff members. It could at timesContinue reading “#050 – Alcohol – Part 2”

#049 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 12

“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you” – Joseph Heller I sometimes think people are out to get me. The police always scare me. Sometimes when I’m out in public I think people are following me. I’m very conscious about being tracked on the phone and through the television and internet. ThereContinue reading “#049 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 12”

#047 – Us Alcoholics Can Be Sneaky Bastards

We can be sneaky bastards us alcoholics. We can be quite creative covering up our drinking. I would lie which is something I don’t do unless it comes down to my drinking. When I was asked if I had been drinking my standard response would be no or I’d play it down by saying inContinue reading “#047 – Us Alcoholics Can Be Sneaky Bastards”

#045 – Alcohol – Part 1

This is such a big topic I honestly don’t know where to start. Alcohol! I could write a book on my relationship with booze. I’m going to break this down into different entries. This is part one. This is going to require some courage from my end as a lot of this is unknown toContinue reading “#045 – Alcohol – Part 1”

#044 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 11

It’s 4:30am and I am wide awake. The nurses encourage me to go back to bed but I figure I might aw well be up doing something rather than tossing and turning in bed. I didn’t have as much joy on my new seeping med’s as the previous night. Typical bloody benzo’s. I build upContinue reading “#044 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 11”

#043 – Psychoanalysis and Med’s as a Teenager

I was a messed up child and teenager. My folks sent me to a child psychologist when I was 15 and I went through psychoanalysis and was medicated. I was put on Venlafaxine (Effexor). My mum found a poem based around suicide in my wallet and this set off alarm bells. I had just gotContinue reading “#043 – Psychoanalysis and Med’s as a Teenager”

#042 – I’m A Creature Of Habit

I’m a creature of habit. I don’t like being taken outside my comfort zone which at the moment is my room in the hospital. I just went out for an outing with my folks who I haven’t seen for almost a week. I was only with them for just over an hour and all IContinue reading “#042 – I’m A Creature Of Habit”

#041 – I’m So Tied I Can’t Sleep – Mogadone (Nitazepam)

There is a chance my sleeping issues and insomnia have been cured! Last night I had my first dose of the sleeping medication Mogadone which is a benzodiazepine and it worked wonders. Why wasn’t I introduced to this years ago. I have taken Stilnox, Imovane, Temazapem, Chloral Hydrate, melatonin and natural sleeping aids but nothingContinue reading “#041 – I’m So Tied I Can’t Sleep – Mogadone (Nitazepam)”

#040 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 10

I’m starting to wonder what the point of these daily blogs on my activities is. There is little to report on. I was up early.. at about 5am and I didn’t nap. This makes for long days. I’m starting a new sleeping medication tonight to battle my insomnia. Because there is structure and routine inContinue reading “#040 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 10”

#038 – Insight Into My Illness

I think I have good insight into my illness. I’m often reassured by people that I come across as being ‘normal’ and I’m sure they wouldn’t have any reason to believe that I’m different in any way unless they spent some time with me and knew my history. My scars (Blog #29) sometimes gives itContinue reading “#038 – Insight Into My Illness”

#037 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 9

I’m starting to realise that this whole blog is basically for me. It gets very few views and I don’t give out the site address to people I know. It’s like a personal diary. From day one the main purpose of the blog was a tool to keep me busy during the long days inContinue reading “#037 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 9”

#034 – Schizophrenia And The Loss Of Family And Friends

I grew up in Bendigo where I had a great social network. I was reasonably popular and I even had the girls after me. My family moved to Frankston in 1999. I went to Frankston high where I knew nobody. I was a loner who spent his recess and lunch breaks away from the otherContinue reading “#034 – Schizophrenia And The Loss Of Family And Friends”

#033 – Pychiatric Admission – Day 8

Not that it is something to be celebrated but I haven’t had a drink in over a week. I haven’t struggled with this at all. This something I probably shouldn’t admit but in previous visits to the hospital I would get leave and go into Mornington where I would buy a six pack, find aContinue reading “#033 – Pychiatric Admission – Day 8”

#032 – Auditory Hallucinations

I get voices. I hear voices and have been attacked by them for a long time. I take two antipsychotic medications to tackle them, along with my paranoia, which takes the edge off but it doesn’t eliminate them. They are almost always there. I can’t remember when I started hearing them? It was well overContinue reading “#032 – Auditory Hallucinations”

#031 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 7

Another day! It’s hard making posts on a day where nothing happened. I saw Gem (psychiatrist) and we had a rather nothing consultation. I wasn’t too interested in talking and he didn’t dig too deep. I wanted to talk to him about going on CBD medication like he had previously discussed but I was toldContinue reading “#031 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 7”

#028 – Red Bull’s and V’s

I’m quitting energy drinks. Over the last few months my intake has increased to dangerous levels. I have always known they can’t be good for me because of the caffeine and sugar which could lead to heart issues or diabetes not to mention the weight gain. I just spoke to a lady in the smokingContinue reading “#028 – Red Bull’s and V’s”

#027 – Schizophrenia and Nicotine

People with schizophrenia smoke up to three times more than the general population and more than most psychiatric populations. Schizophrenia patients who smoke also have higher levels of nicotine in their bodies because they tend to extract more nicotine per cigarette than other smokers. I have been an on and off cigarettes since I was in my mid teens. I goContinue reading “#027 – Schizophrenia and Nicotine”

#026 – Private Vs. Public Psychiatric Hospitalisation

I think most people have the wrong idea of what a private psychiatric ward is all about. The important word there is ‘private’. I’ve been through the system over the last 15 years. I don’t know how many months or even years I have spent in clinics. I have been to maybe 5 different hospitalsContinue reading “#026 – Private Vs. Public Psychiatric Hospitalisation”

#025 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 6

There’s nothing to report on again! Today is a public holiday so things are even quieter than usual. My day has consisted of blog writing, nicotine, caffeine and naps. I have been drinking stupid amounts of coffee, Coke and energy drinks. I think I have replaced my alcohol intake with caffeine. It helps with writingContinue reading “#025 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 6”

#024 – Dimethyltryptamine (DMT)

One of my fascinations is dimethyltryptamine or DMT. DMT is arguably the most powerful psychedelic drug on the planet, capable of producing intense hallucinations. Researchers recently surveyed more than 2,000 DMT users about their encounters with ‘entities’ while tripping, finding that respondents often considered these strange encounters to be positive and meaningful. The majority of respondentsContinue reading “#024 – Dimethyltryptamine (DMT)”

#023 – Covid

Gem (psychiatrist) tells me that depression rates and paranoia rates have increased amongst his patients during Covid and people have been doing their consultations over the phone or web. Suicide rates have raised too. I can understand people who have employment but can’t work and in some cases where loved ones can’t get together. IContinue reading “#023 – Covid”

#021 – 2400mg Of Seroquel

2400mg of Seroquel. That’s 800mg three times a day. This was was the dose Professor Burrows put me on. I’ve made a post on Burrows (Blog #008) This was the first antipsychotic I was placed on. I had been on plenty of antidepressants but when I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia this is what theContinue reading “#021 – 2400mg Of Seroquel”

#020 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 5

I went out with my folks, my sister and my nephew today. It wasn’t for long but it was nice to break up the day and get out of the hospital. We went for a drive to a park for my nephew to have a run around. He’s just turned two. I’m never going toContinue reading “#020 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 5”

#019 – Antabuse – Disulfiram

Antabuse is basically a medication you take to prevent you from drinking piss. It’s doesn’t reduce cravings but you can’t drink while taking it or you become violently ill to the point where hospitalisation may be required and it can even lead to death. It’s a pretty intense medication and it’s expensive. I do myContinue reading “#019 – Antabuse – Disulfiram”

#018 – Kurt’s Suicide

As so many teens do I idolised Nirvana and Kurt Cobain. This started for me during my first year of high school in 1996. A fellow student, one of the popular kids, would have the bus driver play Nevermind on the commute to and from school. It didn’t know anything about them other than theirContinue reading “#018 – Kurt’s Suicide”

#017 – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

This is a treatment that my psychiatrist keeps recommending. I have mixed feelings. A family friend who suffers greatly from depression underwent the process and swears it changed his life. It’s getting to the point where I am becoming desperate to get on top of my anxiety and psychosis as I can’t keep living likeContinue reading “#017 – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation”

#015 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 4

Things are quiet. No doctors. No groups. Nothing. A brief one on one with the nurses but nothing over a few minutes. It’s the same story every time I chat with the nurses. I have gone over my history and what I am experience 2 million times. In the early days I would stress about talkingContinue reading “#015 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 4”

#014 – Diazepam – Valium

I’ve been on and off Valium for over 20 years. I’m now off it and can’t see myself getting back on it any time soon. I have it listed as one of the medications I can take whilst in hospital as needed during the day but I haven’t taken advantage of it. There’s a reasonContinue reading “#014 – Diazepam – Valium”

#012 – Simplicity is the Key

I didn’t know how to title this blog? Like my head this will be all over the place! I live a pretty simplistic life. I am a strong believer in keeping this as easy and simple as possible. I don’t appreciate activities that put me outside of my comfort zone. I don’t desire things thatContinue reading “#012 – Simplicity is the Key”

#011 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 3

One of the factors that puts me into hospital is to separate myself from the outside world. It’s like time out or a ‘tune up’ as my old man calls it. I don’t have a real stressful life that I’m escaping but it’s a change of atmosphere and a chance to meet people which isContinue reading “#011 – Psychiatric Admission – Day 3”

#010 – Schizophrenia and Relationships

One of the hardest things for me to get around when it comes to meeting ladies (mostly online) is letting them know I don’t work, I’m on a disability support pension, I have a history of mental illness, I have scars all over my body and I take medications. This is a big pill toContinue reading “#010 – Schizophrenia and Relationships”

#009 – Clozapine – Medication

Wikipedia defines Clozapine as this:“Clozapine, sold under the brand name Clozaril among others, is an atypical antipsychotic medication. It is mainly used for schizophrenia that does not improve following the use of other antipsychotic medications. In those with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder it may decrease the rate of suicidal behavior. It is more effective than typical antipsychotics, particularly in those who are treatment-resistant” So basically Clozapine is an antipsychoticContinue reading “#009 – Clozapine – Medication”

#008 – Professor Burrows and ICU

I don’t like bashing the dead but I’m going to! My first psychiatrist was Professor Burrows. RIP. This was the shrink who diagnosed me with schizophrenia when I was admitted to the intensive care unit at the Melbourne clinic. I’m on the fence as to what I feel towards this chap. He was responsible forContinue reading “#008 – Professor Burrows and ICU”

#006 – Psychiatric Admission – Day Two

 Another day in paradise. There is very little to report on. I spent almost the entire day sitting in the communal lounge staring at my laptop. I’ve been trying to work out this blog website. For something as simple as posting blogs the website is pretty intense. There has been a bit to learn. SoContinue reading “#006 – Psychiatric Admission – Day Two”

#005 – The King of Illiterature

 This isn’t really a post on mental health. It’s a post on my stupidity. I struggle with stuff I paid no attention to in school. I was to busy chasing girls, smoking weed and hanging out with mates. I did the bare minimum to get through each year. For me being popular and the classContinue reading “#005 – The King of Illiterature”

#002 – Psychiatric Admission – Day One

It was a big day. This post is to inform or prepare people for what to expect in a typical first day in a psych ward. I feel I have the authority to write about this as I have had close to twenty of them. I have experience in many medications, consultations with psychiatrists, psychologists,Continue reading “#002 – Psychiatric Admission – Day One”

#001 – Welcome to this Mess!

Welcome to all. As I sit here on my hospital bed I ponder what got me to this place again? Lets get it out there… This is my 14th psychiatric admission in as many years. Where does one start?! Do I begin with my first psychotic attack? My stay in the Intensive Care Unit atContinue reading “#001 – Welcome to this Mess!”