So I thought I’d post an update as I’m now a month out of hospital and I have a little bit going on. As I write this blog it looks like I’ll be going through TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) treatment. This is causing me some headaches as I’ve been making calls to my health insurance mob to see if they cover this and if I can do it as an inpatient. I’m hopeless with this side of things. I often have to give consent for my mum to deal with the phone calls as my concentration is poor and I get voices so communication is difficult. TMS is usually a procedure for people with depression but there is proof it can help people with psychotic symptoms too so I can hopefully kill two birds with one stone. I’m assured there are little side effects and it is relatively painless, just some discomfort. As long as it doesn’t involve being anethetised, which terrifies me, I don’t care.
It’s upsetting that things have come to this. I have suffered from mental illness for almost twenty years and medications have failed. Even Clozapine (Blog #009) so this is my last hope. My quality of life isn’t good. My anxiety is debilitating and this with the paranoia restricts me from leaving the house without difficulty. I can’t even make face to face appointments with my shrink so this has to be done over the phone which stresses me out too. I had to drink heavily yesterday to deal with all of this which helps but I woke up hungover today and am suffering a little memory loss as to what I spoke to people about yesterday. This isn’t good.