#077 – Look On The Bright Side Suicide

This is a touchy subject. I have been lucky enough to not have had anyone too close to me commit the deed. I’ve known of people who have done this but only acquaintances. I had a room mate who I was reasonable attached to who went through with it but no family or friends. I think almost everyone know of someone who has taken their own life. I don’t know how I feel about it? On one hand I have little respect for people who leave a mess behind which is in almost all cases but I also know the lows people can go through where they see no other options. It’s disturbing to think of what a dark place someone must be in to off themselves. Things must be pretty dyer. 

I’ve had suicidal tendencies especially as a teen going through the hell of high school and I have done some risky things while psychotic and usually under the influence of alcohol. After consuming a bottle of vodka I was found by the police on the train tracks on the other side of the city. I don’t know how I got there and weather I was waiting for a train but luckily I was found before I did anything stupid. I’m not sure if I would have gone through with it but who knows what I was thinking in that state of mind? There has been other occasion where I mixed dozens of strong pills and drank heavy while on them which should have put me into overdose territory. Mixing benzo’s with booze is dangerous and it completely erases your memory. There has been so many occasions when this has happened and I have had no recollection as to what happened. I honestly believe I have had my guardian angels watching over me. I truly believe this.

These days I have too much going for me and I have a family who love me. It would completely destroy them if something was to happen. I’m happy to say I am in a good head space at the moment and I also want to stick around to see what happens in the world in the years to come. we’re living in interesting times and I want to see how things play out! I choose life!

Published by aperfecttool83

I'm a 37 year old who lives in Melbourne Australia. I have many interests but I want to base this blog on my mental health. I have schizophrenia, depression & anxiety. I have 15 years experience with psychiatrists and I have had close to 20 hospital admissions. I plan on writing about my delusions, voices, paranoia, depression and how to deal with them psychiatrists :) I really hope this blog can help someone. Please feel free to contact me and I promise to get back to you. Have a nice day!

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