#057 – Alcohol – Part 3

This is a continuation of (Blog #050) This entry will cover where I’m at currently. My last stint without drinking was several months ago. I went a couple of months without a drink with the help of Antabuse (Blog #019) This is the medication that prevents you from drinking. The simple question to ask is why don’t I go back on it? I guess this is because it lasts in your system for a couple of weeks and I don’t like the idea of not drinking during that period of time. I can make a deal with myself not to drink for the day but I can’t look into the future and guarantee I won’t be needing a drink if something stressful pops up. So I stopped taking it and started drinking again. Still strictly beer but I was drinking about a dozen a day.

My routine would be to go to the bottle shop each morning at 10am. I would always make the same purchase. 12 beers please! It’s kinda embarrassing when the clerks know what it is you are about to purchase. I’m one of their most valued customers! It wasn’t always this early. Because I’d do my best to hide it from my folks, who I’m living with at the moment, I would visit the store whenever they were at work or doing whatever it was the were doing. If they didn’t leave the house that day I would tell them I was going for a run and I would run but I ran to the bottle shop. I would buy the usual, come home and place the goods at the side of the house and as soon as they went to bed I would sneak outside and bring them into my room. I wrote a blog on how sneaky alcoholics can be (Blog #047) The problem was beers bottles start to accumulate and I was running out of places to put them. I couldn’t use the recycling bin as the old’s would notice so I would let them collect under my bed, in my closet, in the shed, around the garden and I would sometimes use other peoples bins.

I touched on this in an earlier blog but it’s important for me not to make comparisons. I’ve met and talked to a lot of hardcore alcohols that drink A LOT more than I do. It makes me look like I’m drinking water compared to what they were consuming. Amounts that would kill most people. Me included!

I have been sober for over two weeks now and I’m feeling great! I have no urges to drink at all at the moment. I’m in hospital but this has never stopped me in past admissions to cease drinking. I would take leave every day, drink, come back slightly intoxicated and sometimes I would go out for a second round. I was only caught out once and that was my stupid fault for getting all emotional with the night nurse who could smell the alcohol on my breath.

Not to use this as an excuse but ninety percent of the time I would drink to combat my mental issues. Sometimes the med’s and counselling simply doesn’t work and alcohol is always there. It does work to a certain point but when it is overdone it can do the opposite and make my symptoms worse. If only I could keep it to a few beers!

At this point, as I sit here in a psychiatric ward, I don’t want to go home to my old habits. My bedroom has been cleaned out by my folks and all the bottles are gone. My medication is almost where it should be and even though I have always told myself that the beer wasn’t effecting my med’s I’m sure it was. I’m not sure about the Antabuse? We’ll see how my willpower treats me. It’s let me down in the past!

I could continue to elaborate and write about the problems alcohol has caused me. All of the stupid decisions, lost friendships, embarrassing situations it has caused, the money I’ve spent, the damage to my body and the loss of respect but I could write another thousand pages. It feels good to get a lot of this of my chest. It won’t come as a surprise to most people including my parents that most of this occurred but hopefully it won’t scare off the people who know me but didn’t realise the problem with alcohol I had/have. I hope they understand.

Published by aperfecttool83

I'm a 37 year old who lives in Melbourne Australia. I have many interests but I want to base this blog on my mental health. I have schizophrenia, depression & anxiety. I have 15 years experience with psychiatrists and I have had close to 20 hospital admissions. I plan on writing about my delusions, voices, paranoia, depression and how to deal with them psychiatrists :) I really hope this blog can help someone. Please feel free to contact me and I promise to get back to you. Have a nice day!

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