#055 – Schizophrenia or Religious Belief?

For many people religion is one way that we understand the world and give meaning to our lives and certainly religion and spirituality play an important part in many people’s experiences of schizophrenia. For some sufferers religious delusions or intense religiously-based irrational thinking may be a component of their symptoms, for instance they may believe that they have been sent by God to become a great prophet. However for other people religion and spirituality play an important role in their recovery process. They may find that their spiritual beliefs and practices help them to make sense of the world in a way that they could not when they were suffering from psychotic delusions and that membership of a supportive faith community provides vital fellowship when faced by the everyday problems of living with a serious mental health condition….

http://livingwithschizophreniauk.org/religious-spiritual-delusions-schizophrenia/

I was brought up Catholic. I went to Catholic schools and I went to Sunday mass. I took it seriously. I would prey and read the bible. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. My mum who took me to church lost her faith somewhere along the line. Dad on the other hand never had faith and only went to church in the early days because mum would pressure him. I was in high school and lost all connection to Catholicism even when I went to religious studies in a Catholic school.

I never lost complete faith. I was a lukewarm Christian. This basically means I lived the life I wanted to live and followed my own rules while at the same time having a small belief in Christ and his commandments. I was even a fan of Marilyn Manson, Korn, Nine Inch Nails and Slipknot whilst calling myself a Christian. I would live this way through my later teens and early twenties.

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed that my faith reignited. To this day I battle with my spirituality. I go through phases. One minute I find myself preying every day, I question everything I do and ponder weather Jesus would approve of my choices, I would read the King James Version of the Bible which made no sense to me what so ever, I even went to church on a few occasions which I gained nothing from. It was a bunch of old people singing songs and going through the sacraments that also made no sense to me. I didn’t feel any better when it was over. Why does Jesus demand worship? Isn’t this a little narcissistic?

I have studied other religions. One of my favourite reads of all time is The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying which is book on Buddhism. I have also read literature on Judaism, Hinduism, Islam and I have even touched on the occult – The Satanic Bible, Wicca, Aleister Crowley, Anton LaVey, Tim Leary etc. I don’t touch these topics anymore. They collect dust on my bookshelf. 

The question is: Is this indoctrination or part of schizophrenia? Am I gaining points for following Christ or am I wasting my life away following rules that don’t even apply?

I get auditory hallucinations from demonic entities. They tell me all sorts of awful things and steer me away from religion. Weather these are real or not they seem legitimate. Why don’t I get any good voices telling me good things and if God is really there why doesn’t he intervene?

Then their are the questions almost everyone has: Why does God allow bad things to happen? What about the billions of people who follow different religions? Reincarnation? Out of body experiences? Psychedelics and hallucinogens that can cause religious experiences? The paranormal?

I figure all you can do is be a good person. Treat all people with love. Prey if that works for you and let’s see what happens?

Published by aperfecttool83

I'm a 37 year old who lives in Melbourne Australia. I have many interests but I want to base this blog on my mental health. I have schizophrenia, depression & anxiety. I have 15 years experience with psychiatrists and I have had close to 20 hospital admissions. I plan on writing about my delusions, voices, paranoia, depression and how to deal with them psychiatrists :) I really hope this blog can help someone. Please feel free to contact me and I promise to get back to you. Have a nice day!

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