I went out with my folks, my sister and my nephew today. It wasn’t for long but it was nice to break up the day and get out of the hospital. We went for a drive to a park for my nephew to have a run around. He’s just turned two. I’m never going to have children of my own so I like to invest time with him. He’s still a baby but I look forward to seeing him grow older and when he’s in his teens I want to teach him about the right music to listen to and help him develop an interest in art. I want to be the person to help him out when he’s fighting with his parents.
I enjoyed going out but I was happy to get back to the hospital. My anxiety played up a little. This happens when I’m in groups of people. I was okay. It didn’t get to the point where I needed medication but I wanted to get back into my comfort space which is the hospital at the moment. I wish so hard that I could appreciate the moments in life that are meant to be enjoyed. I try to enjoy the moment but I can’t.
I always feel like I’ve let people down when they take me out or visit. I feel as if I should have made a greater effort to put on a smiley face or interact more. It would only be fake but it would give people the impression that I am doing better than I really am.