Another day in paradise. There is very little to report on. I spent almost the entire day sitting in the communal lounge staring at my laptop. I’ve been trying to work out this blog website. For something as simple as posting blogs the website is pretty intense. There has been a bit to learn. So that has been keeping my busy and sane and I’ve been listening to my podcasts simultaneously. I’ve made a conscious effort to leave my room and spend time with the handful of patients and nurses. The ward is extremely quite which is how I like things.
This place has almost become my second home. I’m not sure how many months or even years I have spent here. The nurses have always treated me well and they have always known my symptoms but since my last admission most the nurses who worked here in the past have moved on. This is a shame because I had built a rapport with them and enjoyed chatting to them. Not to say anything bad about the replacement nurses but they seem fresh. They haven’t had the experience in dealing with peoples diagnosis especially mine which is complex. It’s frustrating and tedious going through my history over and over with the newbies. As usual there was a tonne of paperwork for me to fill. The same questions I have done a million times before. I still haven’t been examined by a doctor and I really hope it stays that way. I really don’t want any blood tests because I don’t want the results. My liver in particular. I know I’m not in the best physical health and I’d prefer to continue to live in denial. I can be a hypochondriac and worry about every ache and pain but rarely have it tended to by a doctor. I don’t want to know if I’m dying of cancer! I have to have a wisdom tooth removed and the thought of this terrifies me.
I saw Gem (psychiatrist) and that went well. We spoke for half an hour maybe. Discussed medications and he suggested I start attending some groups but that’s not going to happen. We both agreed that spending time outside of my room was a positive thing and it is but he wants to push me that little bit further and push me outside my comfort zone by doing some group activities. I really struggle being around other people especially when I have to contribute the the topic at hand. Paranoia is a bitch!
As far as hospital food goes it is really good. People complain but most of these people haven’t had a meal in the public system. People laugh when I tell them I like coming here because the food is good but it’s true.
I slept good. I’m now taking 300mg of Clozapine and this put me to sleep from 11pm but I woke at 3am and had a coffee before being urged by the night nurses to return to my bed and try and get more shuteye. I did and woke at about 7ish.