People are constantly wishing I did more with my time. Why don’t you get a hobby, why don’t you get out of bed and get some of that wonderful vitamin D in the sun, walk the dog, do a course, find a job or do some voluntary work? The truth is I am content with my lifestyle. Apart from suffering greatly with mental health my life is ok. Doing the above wasn’t/wont make me happier in myself. Sure, exercise will burn of some calories and help me get more natural sleep but it’s so much work and I hate every second of it! And yes mum and dad… I do sleep in but I’m also on some pretty intense medication and I’m a night owl and keep strange hours.
The things that normal people do doesn’t agree with me. The things that people find enjoyable are more like a chore for me. This includes most activities outside of the house. I occasionally get dragged along, kicking and screaming, to family gatherings or on a road trip somewhere but all I want to do is get back home and play with the computer, read a book, watch a documentary or Netlix or (if I’m in the mood for it to do some art or do some writing. I also enjoy web design and listening to podcasts.
The thing is: I don’t feel I need to do these things and in my eyes I’m not wasting time. What is wasting time anyway? If I’m enjoying doing the things I enjoy doing but fall outside of doing the whole walking along the beach… is there anything wrong with that? I think not! Whatever keeps me happy. The people that often say that I’m wasting my life away are often stressed out with work, family situations, finances, debt, bringing up children etc. Where does their happiness lye?
Something I don’t feel as strongly about is not working. As it stands I’m unemployed and on a government paid income. It was always drummed into me as a child from my old man how much he hated ‘doll bludgers’ and people who didn’t work. Dad has worked hard his whole life and had little time for the people who didn’t work and were receiving handouts.
I guess what I have to comes to terms with is that I am stuck with this illness, like having a permanently broken bone. I can’t work! I’m sure there is a job I could do but what and where to find one. I have been to a number of job agencies and found them to be completely useless. I have plenty to do with my time and there is plenty of constructive things I could be doing but as for now I need to focus on my mental health which is a full-time job in itself!